Happy Gotcha Day to us. Look at Garrett two years ago. Since that time, he's grown six inches (he's now an even four feet) and gained nine pounds (51). Doesn't sound like much but his pediatrician doesn't seem too concerned. But what does seem almost certain (but we're still awaiting confirmation) is that he has ADHD. The psychologist at his new school put him through yet another battery of tests and he scored in the 98 percentile for ADHD. As a result, he's unable to keep on task even with a para. And his para will be leaving in the next week, so who knows how his teacher will be able to teach 17 children along with keeping Garrett in line. The other day he spent 45 minutes sitting in the assistant principle's office due to his sassing back and refusal to do what he was told. Our meeting with his IEP team is scheduled for this week as is our consult with his pediatrician. We need some real answers because we don't know how to parent him. Consequences don't work. Homework takes three hours to do every night due to his attitude and behavior—and this is only first grade. And he keeps asking to go back to his old school because they gave him the answers. Ugh. I'm really hoping next Gotcha Day I'll have more uplifting things to write about.
By the way, this is what I posted Gotcha Day 2009:
"We talked about Gotcha Day last night. He doesn't understand what "remember" means so I tried explaining that it's like you think of someone and then you have a picture of him (or her) in your head. Something must've clicked because it was the first time he ran over and grabbed the Kaz photo album. He wanted to see his friends from the preschool house. He even said, "I want to see my friends." Although he can't recall their names, it was he (not me) who wanted to see their pictures. That felt like a small breakthrough—hoping one day, his memories will come back with a vengeance. Just imagine all the stories he'll have to tell us about the six years we've missed."
It's been a year later and he still never talks about life in Kazakhstan even though we have asked him on many occasions. Nor does he ask about his Kazakh mamas or his little friends in the preschool. I'm wondering if the light switch will ever go on.
10 comments:
Happy Gotcha anniversary! I think our son Nicholas has ADHD, too, but it's hard to tell at 4 1/2 years old. I know Garrett is so happy with his new family. It is hard to parent a child who has had a difficult life. I have found the Beyond Consequences from Heather Forbes has worked really well with our son and I was a complete skeptic at first. Like you, I discovered consequences don't really work well with Nicholas.
Happy Gotcha Day anniversary!
Garrett is so beautiful and seems so happy to have a family. I always think it is so special when older children are adopted, they always seem to be the forgotten ones. I know it is very difficult to parent a child with ADHD, my brother has that. He is almost 30 now but I have vivid memories of what a pain in the neck he was as child he was. We are 12 yrs. apart in a age and very close. He took meds. as a child and it helped so much.
On a different note, I also know how difficult it is to have an adopted child who has issues. Henry has a speech disorder called Apraxia and it has been such a hard emotional rode dealing with all that in tells having Apraxia. I went through so much anger "why me" ? I am grateful he is very calm and has a great attention span and appears to be very smart. It sure makes it easer for him since he has ST 5x a week. I can imagine how hard it is dealing with Garrett and trying to have endless love for your special little boy.
Thinking if you!
Hey girl! Happy Gotcha day! Amazing pics of little G....still had such a babyface two years ago....alot like Nick! You and Bob have had and still have a lot of ups and downs but you have handled them with such love and tenacity. You are just the parents that he needed! Now, I say that and when people say that to me I sometimes want to puke...it is hard, it sucks and sometimes you want to just be "normal" again but then they look at you, hug you, giggle, smile and you just know, you just KNOW that it is all worth it and they are worth it....so fight on my sweet friend and we will be prayin that the Dr. and IEP meeting will bring you some clarity and wisdom on how to proceed. My sister is having some very similar issues with her daughter (no focus and very poor grades)and she is bio! You are not alone even if it feels like it sometimes! love you! lexi
Happy Gotcha Day! Garrett is a beautiful child and you will all overcome this setback, I'm sure, with a little hard work. We just finished an adoptive parent training program (www.heartofthematterseminars.com) and they discussed the hierarchy in our brains and how it impacts higher learning skills. For example how children need to go back to sensory basics before they can grasp logic such as consequences. It was really insightful I thought and possibly explains some of the behaviors. If you educate yourself well and try to get some state resources to help, you will probably discover techniques to deal with it. But, this training made it sound like you may have to back up and deal with pre-requisite cerebral skills before you can master the higher level ones. All the best!
First of all, congrats on 2 years together as a family.
You guys have been the perfect parents for Garrett even though it seems hard.
I am now realizing just how hard it is to be a good parent and I am always second guessing myself. One of the hardest things is that you are always dealing with people that don't know about orphanages and IA so they give the same advice as they would for biological children and there really are some big differences.
Despite anything that is difficult, I love her like crazy and I know you feel the same about Garrett.
I always have admired your parenting decisions so I have confidence in you and Bob. Praying for peace for all of you.
We adopted a son from Kaz in 2006 and he's almost 5. Around 3 he was Dx'd with Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) and Distruptive Disorder (DD)....kind of like the GateWay Dx to ADHD in our future.
We found some good (and bad) resources online that adjusted our parenting style him with.
Shoot me an email if you'd liek to talk.
Hi Karen,
Happy Gotcha Day. I don't know if you are into dietary stuff in connection with ADHD but Donna Gates and Body Ecology has done a lot of work with children with ADHD and diet. You might want to check out her website and see if any of it seems good to you.
Jan
Hi Karen! Happy Gotcha day! It seems like just yesterday we were meeting for the first time at Suz's and none of us knew what the future held.
I am so sorry for all the frustrations and setbacks Garrett has had. He HAS come a long way, and with your support and Mama bear protectiveness, and your vigilance to help him, I KNOW YOU WILL GET THRU THIS! I am close friend who have children with ADHD (bio and adopted) and although challenging, they eventually found the best ways to help their children be successful. I KNOW YOU WILL TOO! I'm anxious to read about the triumphs you WILL face with Garrett, cuz YOU WILL. He is blessed to have you in his life because you are a fighter.
I admire you more than you know, and I hope it gets easier for you and Garrett.Much much love.
Happy belated Gotcha Day Anniversary! He is such a handsome boy and has come so far!
I watched the same seminar Kelly referred to in her comment and loved it. I learned as much or more in that as I did from all the reading. I also found that Beyond Consequences by Heather Forbes created a huge shift in behavior that I perceived to be attachment-related.
Are they putting Garret on any meds for his ADHD? I'm not advocating that, I'm just curious. What about OT?
Milo is also believed to be ADHD. We just had him evaluated even though he is young. We and his docs are just trying to sort out how much of it is ADHD versus sensory issues verses normal 3-year old behavior, etc. He is only 3.5, but I worry about how he will do in a strict school environment. We are starting up OT again for his ADHD and if he can't focus long enough to do the therapies then the doc will consider meds.
I hope you continue to find your way with parenting your precious boy. I know how tiring it can be when they never stop. Hang strong and keep loving him with all your heart.
Karen, I'm sending hugs. You have come soooo far, and you will persevere, just as you have your entire life. While it's frightening to read (and surely to write), I was also humbled that you admitted that you aren't sure how to parent Garrett. It's good that you are open to new approaches, ideas, etc. You have re-invented yourself a few times now -- you can definitely reinvent your parenting style until you find what works best for you all. So proud of you, my friend!
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