Running here, running there

It’s been a busy time in the Williams household. In my quest to figure out the child we know as Garrett, I’ve talked to and have learned so much about special needs and the system that supports it. Tuesday night, I attended a three-hour workshop entitled, “Understanding the Individualized Education Program” at Pacer Center. If you live in Minnesota with a child/young adult with special needs, I highly recommend checking this organization out. The two women who run the show are parents of SN needs kids, so what they had to say came from a place of “been there, done that.” They went over IEP requirements, overview of evaluation, team planning, writing measurable IEP goals, adaptations, implementation and methods for resolving disagreements. It was truly time well spent. So, now I know what our rights are as parents and want we can expect from Garrett’s school. Another workshop coming up also sounds good; it teaches parents how to communicate more effectively with the school. (How about just putting a mike in my ear and telling me what to say.)

This morning was our appointment with Dr. Kroupina at the International Adoption Clinic. Dr. K is a sweet Russian woman with a heavy accent, so between her and Garrett’s lack of articulation, I had a difficult time catching everything.

This initial meeting was intended to be purely observational, a chance for her to see the G-man in action. Here were some of her initial comments: G has good interaction skills; knows who his mom is (good attachment); doesn’t understand social boundaries; not surprised that his behavior goes up and down; has no means to regulate himself (needs help organizing his behavior and feelings) and on top of that his inability to communicate makes it difficult for him to express himself and for others to understand him. For example, last Sunday we visited friends who have a five-year-old boy. Because Will couldn’t understand Garrett, he simply gave up playing with him. That's not Wills fault but it does make it hard for G right now to be social with his peers.

Although Garrett has been with us for almost a year, he still needs more time to feel secure and gain more trust. Dr. K emphasized again that we must keep things simple and regulate his environment. (Believe me, we do this in spades. Okay, we did go to Chuck E. Cheese once.) Create low stimulation with a parent present—enforce even tighter social boundaries. Provide as much structure as possible—she thinks we should go overboard on that point right now. (Sadly, this may mean we’ll have to pass on Kazapalooza this year. Basically no traveling, no unfamiliar hotel rooms and limited interactions with groups of children, he doesn’t know.) It’s okay to have one friend over the house at time.

G needs to build areas of confidence in order to become friends with other kids. (He’s really doing well with ice skating so maybe this will be a confidence booster.) We also have to get better at recognizing when he getting too wound up. If we can see it before it happens, we can help him verbalize how he’s feeling and, in turn, help him learn to regulate himself.

Next steps for us—Bob and I will meet with Dr. K next week to go over therapeutic parenting. It’s important we get support, so we can deal with him 24/7. In the meantime, we are to keep a diary and observe his behavior: document the difficult situations that come up; be very specific in regards to timing and context. Next, Dr. K will talk to Garrett’s teachers to get them in the loop. She’d also like to have him tested by a speech and occupational therapist (outside of the school district). We’ll need our pediatrician’s referral for that. She feels we shouldn’t put off speech. Four areas she’d like to work with us are his speech, security and trust, ability to control himself (impulse and aggression) and social boundaries. Then in another six months, he'll be tested for cognition.

Whew—did you get all that? At this point, instead of putting an ADHD, RAD or SID label on him, we’ll see if improving his speech (so he can better express himself) and learning to regulate his emotions will be what he needs. After all, he’s still transitioning into his new family, language and culture.