On behalf of my friend Allison, thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. I’ll keep you posted on her situation as it unfolds.
Another important person in my life is my little sister, Sade (pictured above, 2-1/2 years ago at our wedding). We were matched 10 years ago this coming Saturday through the Big Brothers Big Sisters program. To say we’ve gone through a lot together is an understatement. But through good times and bad we've stuck it out and still see each other on a regular basis.
So I could really use your suggestions. What would be a cool thing to do in honor of our 10-year anniversary? Sade turns 17 on Friday, so she’s got that teen thing going on. She’s been going through some tough times: for the past month, she's lived in a homeless shelter with her mother and younger sister. Because of this, she's ashamed and has consequently dropped out of school. (Don’t get me started on this—it’s a real sore spot. I’ve worked hard over the years to show her that education is her ticket out of poverty. But I’m up against too many factors, which I won't go into here.)
9 comments:
Wow, that is a tough question. I'm not really sure what would be the best activity to actually do, but spending time together and making memories in general. Where did you go and do on your first mentor date? Perhaps go/do that if its not too childish. Talk and take pictures of you two together.
Bring some photos of the times you have spent together and reminisce. And think about how much she means to you, and what you have learned from her in your time together. Then I may ask what her what goals are, and how she plans on accomplishing them.
I'm reading a book about storytelling and helping kids adjust and develop. Sometimes its easier for kids to learn about something by hearing a story of someone else. They know you're really talking about them, but it makes them less defensive and depersonalizes it a little so they are more receptive and can see that they are not the reason behind the issue (failure or a total victim or whatever).
Maybe you could think of a story that would help her get through some of the things she's going through with being at the homeless shelter and drop-out issues.
Hi Karen,
Have you taken alot of photos of her over the years? I have been a big sister for 22 years -- I was matched to her on her 6th b-day and she is now 28! Like your little sis, my little sis moved around alot, went through tough times, and lost her mom at 20. I took tons of photos of her when she was little, and she LOVES getting little albums from me because she really doesn't have alot of photos of when she was younger (lost in moves, left behind during quick get aways, etc.) She now has two children of her own, and she has turned into a spectacular adult (despite being surrounded by poverty, drugs, teen pregnancy, crime, and dozens of other cards stacked against her). HANG IN THERE, and do not give up on her (even after she ages out of the program). My little sister still recalls things that we did together when she was very young, and she has even begun replicating some of our past fun activies with her own children. It is beyond heartwarming. And stay on her about the education ... my little sister did make it to high school graduation, and continues to be the only person in her entire extended family who did so. I gave up on the "college talk" somewhere around middle school -- that simply was not going to work for her. Just being there for her is a gift unto itself, and she will some day realize exactly that. Thank you from one big sis to another.
I really do agree with both of the previous commenters. They have some great ideas. I agree that teenagers don't respond well to being told what to do as much as giving stories about the way other kids have led their lives.
What a great investment you are making! I just saw a report on a school bus driver in the projects who decided to motivate her kids on the bus by taking them out of their environement for a trip. Most of them had never been anywhere. I don't know if you can go too far but maybe ask her about where she has always thought about going....get brochures, travel magazines, educational programs abroad and help her dream. Show her how school can help her get to these places and maybe give her a taste of what she could experience locally on your anniv. ....a restaurant, a ethnic festival, a foreign movie (remember the movie Far and Away with Tom Cruise...I always wanted to go to Ireland because of that movie and of course Austria because of the Sound of Music). If you know what her favorite things are...expand on that in a grander scale for your anniv. The lady in the report said that she realized that if the kids couldn't learn to dream then finishing school meant nothing to them.....Just a thought! Karen
FYI, I did make it to Ireland and Austria! ;)
Karen,
May I suggest that you plan a special trip with her and take her to NY or something for a long weekend and show her what things life has to offer when you work hard and have goals and dreams.
Maybe if she has a small taste of this, it would change her mind and get her back in school.
Is living with you an option for her? Do you think if you enrolled her in St. Louis Park, she would go to school then? Just a few thoughts.
I wish I knew all of the answers for you!
Tracy Schafer
you are an amazing person, and wow, that just breaks your heart. Sade is gorgeous, and what a cool name.
What is she into? Does she like plays, musicals? Sean does, so we do go see them when they come to town, that is special. How bout a spa day? What girl doesn't like a pedi and mani and lunch? and maybe shopping? those are all things I LIKE! That is heartbreaking about her situation, but i am sure having you in her life is the most positive thing she has going.
My favorite outings with Sean: Muscials, disney (of course), movies, shopping (but he only like to go to surf shops) going to our favorite donut shop, going to the beach.
Sade is gorgeous!
Sade is gorgeous!
I think the suggestions so far have been wonderful. Yes I would take her on a trip - even if only a day trip and show her the other side of life....show her a nice neighborhood with nice houses, show her things to dream and reach for....ask her what she sees herself doing in five years time. If she says she has no idea (which is most likely the answer) tell her what you see her doing. Help her to realize the fact that visualization of goals and dreams is the very first step to getting to those goals and dreams. After visualizing it all you have to do is make a plan to get there. Then take it one step at a time. It may take a while but slowly those small steps leading in the right direction will get her to where she wants to go. I would tell her stories of people you know who started down and out and made good by hard work and determination and a plan. That is all you really need in the USA.
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